The Bad First Date

Recently, I decided I was ready to ‘get back in the game’ and joined a whole lot of dating apps. Unfortunately, we now live in a world where one of the more popular ways of meeting people is online. I must admit, it is not my style of dating but I’m willing to try anything once before coming to any sort of conclusion.

Having asked the advice from my trusty single Meetup girls, I joined a few sites. Writing the profile was the hardest. How do you portray who you really are in a few lines and a couple of photos?

After less than a week of using one of the apps, I decided to call it quits as the ‘small talk’ was becoming quite tiring and time-consuming. Regardless of your profile specifically requesting to only message if the other party meets your preferred criteria, messages would still flood through. Men – do they ever listen? (In this case, read?)

I should be clear and say that I am currently content with the way my life is at the present moment. I have the freedom to do what I want, whenever I want, without having to check in with anyone or worry about someone waiting for me at home. To put it simply, I love my independence. It has been a journey for me to reach this point but I definitely am becoming more comfortable with who I am and the person I am becoming.  I have collected new experiences, placed myself in situations out of my comfort zone whilst learning what my limitations are. Enough soul searching!

A couple of weeks later, with the encouragement from some of the girls, I turned the app back on again, took the plunge and went on my ‘first date’. After all, it was going to be another ‘new experience’ right?

I submit to my readers exhibit A, Mr B. Known facts: about 185cm tall, 30 years old, in management and allegedly no tattoos. Looks like Ryan Gosling – can’t blame a girl for trying to be Rachel McAdams in the Notebook. Sidenote – a common theme amongst the guys online were: tattoos (usually covering more than 50% of the body), half naked selfies in the bathroom with the toilet in the background (at least put the lid down), fishing, camping, motor bikes and sports. Leading up to the date, we messaged back and forth intermittently. Mr B was funny and we both enjoyed each other’s use of bad puns.

Prior to the date, I had dinner at my parents place and decided to take my nephew to the park across the road so he could run around on the grass. Unluckily, my right foot, specifically on my second toe, was bitten by an ant. This was no ordinary bite, it stung and the pain spread throughout my foot and started throbbing! I quickly rushed back to my parents place and placed an icepack to relieve the pain. I messaged Mr B letting him know that I’d be late to the date as I had to stop over at the pharmacy to buy some ‘Stingoes’ for the bite.

Upon my arrival to the bar (I should note, he did not pick the best bar – strike that, sports pub!), I found Mr B at the bar getting himself a drink. Did I say drink? I mean a jug of beer.

I quickly told him that I didn’t drink beer. “That’s ok, I’ll find us a table.”

Off he went in his tee shirt and shorts with his jug of beer, leaving me behind at the bar as I ordered and paid for my own drink. It would’ve been nice if he offered to pay for my drink considering it was our first date. Is this what “casual drinks” mean? Tee shirt and shorts at a sports pub drinking beer? Sounds like a boy’s night out….

I overlooked this and found him at the table where he was facing the TV with the footy match currently airing on the screen. “Great” I thought to myself.

“Do you follow the footy?” I asked, hinting that I noticed he had one eye on the TV and one eye on me. If it was a really important match that he wanted to watch, then why set the date on that night/ at that time?

“Not really” he answered as that one eye was still glued to the TV screen.

We preceded our casual conversation asking questions of each other in an attempt to get to know each other better besides the superficial small talk we’ve been carrying on via messages.

I found out Mr B wasn’t in management. He was a flight instructor but quit his job because he hated the work environment. Fair enough. He preceded to tell me that he worked in a lab. “A drug lab?” I asked trying to be funny. “No, a minerals lab”.

Part of getting to know if you’re compatible with another person is to find out what hobbies and interests you have in common. Unfortunately for me, Mr B seemed to not have any. He didn’t play any video or computer games, do any sports, fish or camp like the rest of the guys on the apps.

“What do you do with your time then?” I pressed on trying to find something we would have in common. “I drive an Uber”

Now that explains it! Turns out he takes on casual shifts in the “minerals lab” and drives an Uber for the rest of the time.

I’m not a snob in that what a person does for a living wouldn’t usually bother me but why lie about it and say you’re in ‘management’? In my opinion, it shows he’s ashamed. I should add Mr B also mentioned he found it confusing at times when chicks were chatty with him as he was ‘ubering’ them around town. Mr B had to remind himself that they were just being friendly and weren’t actually interested in him. “Creepy” I thought to myself…

Not trying to sound condescending, I then asked him “What do you plan on doing with your life then? Will you go back to working in the aviation field?” Mr B did mention how he really enjoys flying.

“No, it’s too competitive” I didn’t know how to take this. Did he have no self-belief and think he was not good enough? Did he even try?

For those who don’t know me, I am a driven individual who wants to make the most out of life. I find unambitious people unattractive. Make some goals and challenge yourself.

At this point, I felt Mr B was an unmotivated person, with no goals and had no desire to make something of his life.

He went on to tell me about some of his past relationships. How he was involved with this Thai woman who illegally married to stay in Australia. “I don’t want to know about it” I quickly told him thinking how complicated his life is and how I didn’t want to partake in any knowledge of illegal activity.

I then asked him about his family. Maybe we’ll have similar family values? His parents were separated when his mother was still pregnant with him. He continued to tell me that he wasn’t sure if his current father was his real dad. It was sad to hear and as much as I appreciated that he opened up to me, it was rather heavy to deal with on what was supposed to be “casual drinks” on a first meeting. Maybe it was the fact he was wearing a tee shirt and shorts that he felt comfortable to open up.

Mr B then told me that he lied on his profile – as I expected from most people you meet online.

“Do you solemnly swear that you will tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth?” How naïve of me to think otherwise!

Funnily enough what he chose to lie about wasn’t even worth lying about. He came from a family of four siblings in which he was the youngest child. He noted on his profile that he was the 3rd born. What’s the difference between being 3rd born or the 4th born? It wasn’t even something worth lying about?

It was then, I decided I needed another drink to get through this. Mr B had already polished off his jug of beer and was hiccupping and slurring. “Great, I think he’s drunk” I thought to myself.

I asked Mr B if he wanted another drink and being as thirsty as he was, he was keen. I took out my wallet in hope he would offer to buy me a drink. Boy, was I wrong as he waited for me to give him some cash for my drink. “Chivalry is dead!” “Mr B for gender equality!”

At least he offered to go buy me a drink using my money – what am I complaining about!

With my cash in his hand, I asked him to buy me a glass of prosecco. “Pro… what?”

Mr B had no idea what a prosecco was. I know I shouldn’t judge but it wasn’t that hard…

After repeating the word ‘prosecco’ several times, he stumbled to the bar and came back with my drink and a pint for himself. He got my drink order correct and has some level of understanding of RSA – first tick for the night!

Mr B went on to tell me I had a nice bump in my nose. “Sorry, what?” I asked giving him the opportunity to clarify/redeem himself. “You know, Asian girls like to have that bump on their nose. Sometimes they even get surgery to achieve it.” I believe what he was trying to tell me was that I have a ‘Caucasian-looking nose’. It was supposed to be a compliment…

Now I have never read the book ‘The Game: Penetrating the Secret Society of Pickup Artists’ but I was told by my girlfriends that I was ‘negged’. Negging is pick up strategy where you deliberately make a backhanded compliment or otherwise insulting remark to another person in order to undermine their confidence in a way that gains approval. Maybe Mr B was more intelligent than I was lead to believe.

The date went on as he told me his sob story of why his flying career didn’t work out.

What felt like hours of whinging, I decided not enough alcohol in the world could make this date get any better. I politely told him my foot started throbbing again due to the ant bite and should probably head home and get some ice on it.

After exiting the pub, he asked me if I could drop him home.

“Sorry you’re not on my way” I told him as I quickly rushed to my car.

Looking back the date could’ve passed as one of the scenes of “First dates” from channel 7.

It was so bad that it was good.

I have no regrets and even attained a decent blog post out of it.

Until next time,

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